Bike Snob ‘Outs Himself’


Please forgive my fascination with ‘Bike Snob’. It hasn’t quite reached the level of peering over the back fence into his backyard, like ‘Wilson E. Wilson’ did in Home Improvement, but I do find myself intrigued enough by Bike Snob’s world to look through a knothole now and then.

Some soul-searching, while a bit painful, has taught me something.

I’m suffering from ‘wise-ass envy’.

A little background- ‘Bike Snob’ is the cycling cynic from New York City who mocks, ridicules, laughs at, and/or hurls insults at those in the cycling world who take the world of riding a bicycle too seriously.

He’s become so adept at it, and has gained such a rabid fan base that he’s ‘branded’ himself, and is now making a living doing it.

Without doubt…he’s become a professional wise-ass.

Thus my envy…for several decades I’ve known that I’d love to get paid to do what I have a passion for.

Being a wise-ass.

I Confess My Sins To You

At the risk of too much self-exposure, I’ll reveal a re-occurring conversation in my dreams (at times I’ve even tried to visualize it into existence).

Gaylord: ‘Goodness gracious, that was clever, Ron! How about taking this $50 off my hands in exchange for your cagey wit?”

Me: ‘Why thank-you Gaylord, my only wish is that there were more schmucks in the world just like you’.

Gaylord: ‘Wow, spiffy retort! Here’s another fifty’.

Who can blame me? After all, one motivational exploiter speaker after another tells me to ‘Pursue your dream, and the money will follow!

And so it’s happened for Bike Snob…he’s successfully commercialized his criticism of commercialism in the bike world. I extend a hearty ‘Atta Boy!’

My Hero’s Flawed

But here’s where it gets crazy.

Bike Snob’s main attraction is most certainly his cynical bite – and he’s artfully perfected that dance.

But…

In addition to the sour disposition, a sizable chunk of the Bike Snob reputation has always orbited around his anonymity. The pictures of him feature a hat perched atop his pointed little head at an such an angle that his face is alway obscured.

A two-wheeled Batman-esque persona.

Up until now he’s remained anonymous.

So why the change? Why the ‘outing’?

Why do we now know that Bike Snob is Eben Weiss, self-professed mediocre bike racer and literary agent from Brooklyn?

Commercialization. You see, Eben has a new book out,

and with a new book – a book tour,

and with a book tour – traveling to signing parties around the country,

trying to eat clam chowder through the ‘mouth hole’ in the ski mask disguise,

…and strip searches at the airport when he refuses to take off the mask.

In short, anonymity is too inconvenient when you need to cash in on the mystique of having been anonymous.

Eben, is that you? Nah, it's Pres. Obama!

Bike Snob No Longer Sweats, But His Fans Fret

Now that his readers know who he is, I’ve seen fretful comments from his fans worrying that he may ‘tone it down a few notches’.

In an era when many of us are anxious about Iran’s incessant march toward nuclear armament, Bike Snob’s rabid fan base loses sleep wondering if he’ll now be hesitant to fire zingers like, ‘Suck my bawls’ at his critics… instead substituting ‘hey, that’s not nice, don’t do that again’.

After all, some of his critics may be the type of gentlemen who favor ski masks themselves.

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