Using Grandma’s Yarn To Win Time Trials

Bicycling magazine has another article that’s peaked my interest. This one is about the innovative scientist, Allen Lim who’s been in the employ of none other than ‘Lance’ something.

I won’t reveal the cyclist’s last name in order to preserve the costly advantage he’s benefiting from at the hands of cutting edge technology.

But today the one-way discussion (my way or the highw…) isn’t about razor edge advancement…rather it’s more like ‘butter knife’ stuff.

And to do it you need –

  • A ball of Grandma’s yarn, or at least the unravelings of that potholder Granny gave you for your 21st birthday.
  • A yahoo friend to hang out the window of a car while videotaping you.
  • A stoic friend who can maintain control of the car…not amused in any way by the sight of you flying down the road, tucked in the ‘aero’ position with 6 inch pieces of Grandma’s disassembled potholder flapping in the wind behind you.
  • A flat piece of road devoid of Hillbillies in jacked up pickup trucks (short-penis-compensators).
  • If you have a power meter it’s helpful so that you can keep a constant power, and because it’s a flat road…a constant ‘in your face’ airspeed.

Now you don’t need no stinkin wind tunnel.

You merely tape pieces of 6-8 inch yarn to your helmet, your back, your backside, your thighs, the back edge of your saddle…you get the picture.

Then you find that Hillybilly-free piece of flat asphalt, get going at about your time trial effort, and have your buddies drive beside you in the car…making sure that the guy in the red sweatshirt gets out the video camara…and wipes that silly grin off his face.

The Plagiarized Picture Right Out Of Bicycling Magazine-
Buy The June 2010 Edition To Learn More About Allen Lim’s Tricks…
…and To Keep Me From Getting Sued.



You want to see the yarn laying smoothly on your body or at least streaming smoothly behind you. If you see the yarn flapping around in the wind, ‘you’re makin muddy air, dude’.

Now the trick is to change one thing at a time (ie, height of handlebars, or width of forearms, etc) to see what the effect is on the yarn.

At the end of the very informative article, the author concludes with the time trialist’s mantra, ‘what looks fast is fast’.

I beg to differ…my cousin Judy has that ‘fast’ look about her when she’s going ‘clubbin’… and she can’t even get onto a bike with those shoes of hers.

The new time trialist’s mantra is now, ‘what doesn’t fray Grandma’s yarn… is fast!’

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