Until the road turns upward and gravity reigns supreme.

When that happens, Lester Lardo starts huffing, puffing, and blowing the tape right off his handlebars.  And his thoughts turn to losing weight…even going so far as to finding himself immersed in ‘pencil neck envy’ (wishing he was as skinny as the puny little feller he used to beat up after school).

Only Citrus After Supper

A few years ago when I was racing in some old man bike races, I was quite concerned about my weight.  Every pound counted, and even though I was burning up a boatload of calories in the training rides, I was eating nearly a canoeload of goodies every evening.

Big Legs...Teeny Weeny Arms, That's The Way We Like It

The weight wasn’t coming off as well as I’d have liked it to.

Until I vowed to eat nothing except Citrus after supper.  Then the weight came off and I almost achieved that Tyrannosaurus-Rex-look favored by bike racers.  You know…very large legs, and teeny weeny arms.

The unbrushed teeth were optional.

In case you’re like most of the civilized world and think I’m full of it, spouting off nonsense to my heart’s delight you’re right…

Here’s a segment from the Sunkist site (guess what they’re selling?)- According to Dr. Barbara Rolls, the Guthrie Chair in Nutritional Sciences at Pennsylvania State University and author of the best selling book Volumetrics, “Citrus is excellent for weight loss because it can be eaten in satisfying portions for very few calories. The fruit also provides beneficial vitamins and nutrients, which is important for a weight loss plan because people are at greatest risk of nutrient deficiencies when they are cutting calories.”

Heck, we know that we cyclists don’t care about ‘nutrient deficiencies’…we just want to go uphill faster, so disregard some of the Sunkist quotation above.  Pick and choose to support your preconceived notions; I know I do.

At the About.com page on Thyroid Disease, they maintain that out of the top 20 most consumed fruits and vegetables (that may not be saying much, since Americans are pretty diligent about staying away from such foul foods), oranges and grapefruits rank numero uno and numero dos in fiber.

After Supper, It's Oranges And Grapefruits For Dr. Demento

So you can eat those oranges and grapefruits and your stomach will be mucho grande without being full of a lot of calories.

Just what the cyclist with a ravenous hunger needs late into the evening.

In case you aren’t sold on the idea of an ‘evening feeding’ of grapefruits and oranges, I challenge you to eat two grapefruits and an orange while watching American Idol.  You’ll be plenty satisfied, even if your favorite contestant gets booted…and will only have eaten 262 calories.

And that’ just what Dr. Demento ordered to get those last few pounds off of those useless arms of yours.

By Limiting My Bike Tricks To A 'Photoshop Format', I Limit My Injuries!

Just found out this week that a rather gnarly mountain bike wreck I had 10 years ago and an epic road bike fall 3 years ago put a lot more hurt on me than I thought.  I knew that I was rocked pretty good, but was in denial regarding the permanent effects.

But after a couple years of constant pain on the left side of my chest and abdomen, I relented and had an MRI done.  Well, there are two compression fractures, 4 or 5 bulging discs and an assortment of other disturbing spinal boo boos.

Which is nothing more than a lead-in to today’s Youtube video. Because, spinal injuries or not…these MacAskill videos have me out on my mountain bike doing a lot of stylish balancing moves, some ‘stand on your face’ descents, as well as trying a few skills that I never had the courage to do previously.

Using some Canadian logic, it makes sense to do crazy bike moves after learning just how badly I’ve been injured by them in the past.  After all, you only live once eternally in pain.

Presenting Danny MacAskill riding from Edinburough to Skye…

Well he’s not riding the whole way.  He’s actually riding in a vintage motor home, stopping along the way to do some trick riding on any obstacle that should never see the bottom of his tires.

I’m a sucker for Scottish music.  I love bagpipe music, even more so because the constant base note drives my wife crazy.  Anyhoo, this trick bike riding with the stirring music makes me want to ride recklessly, roll in the heather, and submit to a few more spinal fractures!

If Braveheart gripped your soul, you’ll like Fearless Danny MacAskill’s “Way Back Home”.

Give it a ‘look-see’!

And if you want to hear my daughter singing ‘Somewhere Over Rainbow‘ (and who doesn’t?), check out the video directly under Danny’s.

Alberto Contador Using Excessive Oxygen During This Interview- Don't Grimace!

I’m often at a loss to know what to write about on the blog.  Sometimes I’ll look through You tube videos for inspiration, other times something from Bicycling magazine will wet my whistle.  This time it’s an article in Bicycling that has me smarting off.

Entitled “Fly Up Hills”, I suspect that they’re speaking figuratively, since most cyclists reading Bicycling have a wing-to-body-mass ration resembling an ostrich, rather than a condor.  If lard could fly…

But don’t despair, the very first tip is something any cyclist can do-

Meditate Uphill

That’s right, the men from the Carmichael Training System say you can get faster sitting quietly in your Lazy Boy, wearing nothing but your heart rate monitor. The idea is to check to see how quickly your heart taps along when you’re sitting quietly…and how quickly it beats while you’re flexing your face muscles, your pectorals, and your flabby abdominals every time your wife passes through the living room.

Of course her only response will be, ‘Ew honey, can’t you wear some underwear when you’re sitting on the furniture?’

OK, I’ve misrepresented the ‘Mediate Uphill’ approach…

What’s really being advocated is a demonstration to yourself of how much energy is being wasted when your tense up your face muscles, clench your jaw, ‘white knuckling your handlebars, or showcase every cord in your neck.  When you sit ‘zen-like in your chair at home, you’ll have a very nice heart-rate.  When you sit ‘warrior-style’, your heart-rate will elevate.

Take home lesson:  When climbing, consciously relax everything except the ‘piston-like’ legs beneath you.  No sense sending oxygen to the ‘grimacing’ muscles.

Positions On The Bike

Here’s where I could use some reader’s informed input.  Of course, ignorant input is welcome too.  Just click away on the ‘Comments’ section.

The folks at Carmichael advocating sitting further back in the saddle if you’re short of stature in order to get more power ‘over the top’ of the pedal stroke, and to encourage heel drop through the bottom of the stroke.  I suppose that sounds A-OK to me.

But for those who are tall, the admonition is to slide forward in the saddle in order to generate maximum force.

Why the difference?  Aren’t we supposed to be riding a bike that’s proportional to our height? Does it have something to do with the ‘length of lever’ of our legs?  Or is it just something to write about by an author who’s having a hard time finding a nugget of truth that hasn’t already been written about far too many times.

Speak, faithful readers…we await your wisdom.

Raise Your Fitness Level

Climbing Better Has Nothing To Do With Getting Your Shorts Inspected, Or Sipping Tea.

Here it is, tucked away nicely in the middle of the Bicycling article. The very tip that few riders want to hear.

If you want to ride uphill, you need to increase your lactate threshold level.

The bottom line…get in shape, man!!!

1. You can meditate your way up a hill.
2. You can slide around in your saddle.
3. You can whistle Dixie.
4. You can hydrate.
5. You can try all sorts of tricks.

But the minute the road tips upward, the guy who has the best ability to convert oxygen into watts will pull away from the rest of the ‘tricksters’.

So here’s what you do…do some research on how to raise your lactate threshold level, work hard getting it done, and then look forward to surprising the guys you ride with on the next climb.

When they ask why you’re so much better riding up hills, tell them you’ve discovered a training method that involves a Lazy Boy, a heart-rate monitor, and nudity.

You see, the Tour of Flanders bike race is the biggest single day event in the entire country. Bigger than anything…including the celebration of my birthday (which amazingly doesn’t even create a blip of interest in their ‘backward’ part of the world).

Evidence of cycling’s popularity in Belgium?  How about this…the top 10 list of Famous Belgians is headed by none other than Eddy Merckx (nicknamed ‘The Cannibal’ for his propensity to kill and consume for breakfast any competitor challenging him for the victory. That’s right, while other riders were eating Belgium waffles and French eclairs for breakfast, Eddie was dining on quadriceps and biceps).  While unconventional in his dining habits, Eddy did win the Tour de France five times.

As a point of reference, Lance Armstrong won the Tour de France seven times, and while he tops the list of Americans with only one lonely testicle, I doubt anyone would rank him at the top of the list of ALL Americans.

But back to the subject at hand… The Tour of Flanders.

Here’s a race that began in 1913 and after a sputtering start (no races from 1915 until 1919…perhaps because it’s popularity hadn’t yet exceeded the popularity of World War

Briek Schotte Wins Tour Of Flanders In 1942 and 1948

One) has run uninterrupted until the present day.  That’s right, once the Tour of Flanders  got a head of steam, even Hitler and his minions couldn’t supplant it; no doubt contributing to Adolf’s generally surly demeanor.

World War Two bombs may have been bursting in air, but Briek Schotte  still pedaled to victory in the Tour of Flanders.

Since that time there have been a disproportionate number of Belgium cyclists winning this race, the latest being Tom  Boonen (2005, 2006), Stijn Devolder (2008, 2009), and Nick Nuyens (2011). There are only about 11 million people in Belgium (so it’s 11 million in Belgium against 7.004 billion in the world), and the country is a mere ‘dot’ on the map…but then again just about everyone rides a bike in Belgium.  And you know the old saying…’you never forget how to ride a bike’.

Crazed Cycling Fans Crowd Into The Tiny Dark-Green Country On The Map

When the ugliness of dementia raises it’s head, Belgians may forget their mother’s maiden name, the password to their Twitter account, or if they should use a fork or a spoon while eating soup…but they never forget how to pedal a bike.  And it’s that passion for cycling that makes the Tour of Flanders so popular.

And the reason that soup kitchens have never taken off in the country.

My wife just reminded me to watch what I write, lest neither of us is welcomed into Belgium…the victims of saddle sore Belgians carrying a grudge against those who would mock their soup-eating skill set…and don’t forget there are aggressive Belgians with nicknames like ‘The Cannibal’.

Cobbles, Cobbles, Cobbles…and Wind

Did you know that the country of Belgium is essentially flat?  Sure, there are some climbs in the race, but it’s the fact that the riders are riding on cobblestones that makes the riding so difficult.  Not only are the cobblestones bumpy, but the cobblestone roads are narrow, so the riders are constantly having to fight for positions during the race.

Then there are the winds.  Headwinds, tailwinds, side-winds…they all show up for the Tour of Flanders.  Once a rider gets left behind during a side-wind echelon, good luck to him.

Well, I’m running out of steam here, so I’ll leave you with the YouTube video that inspired this blog post.  It isn’t of the Tour of Flanders, but it’s no doubt one of the many races that are held several times a week in the Cycling Crazed Country known as Belgium.

While others master the skill-set needed to keep their cellphones in their pockets, Danny MacAskill dominates entire phonebooths.

In case you’re one of the two or three cyclists in the USA who haven’t seen Scottish cyclist Danny MacAskill (say that last name out loud to get a more accurate understanding of the inherent danger of this type of riding) do his thing on a bike, check out the embedded video below.

There have been 29 million viewings of the YouTube video, the majority of whom are no doubt from Scotland.  I’m wondering if riders from the British Isles have an advantage in perfecting their ‘street trials riding‘ skill set, since this style of riding seems threatening to oral integrity…and Englishmen have little, to no regard for their chompers.

Who cares if you come home after a practice session with somewhere between 8 and 10 teeth still intact; they weren’t going to last forever anyway.

But be assured, the video is primarily a composite of many outrageous, SUCCESSFUL stunts. It starts with a few ‘fails’, but these can be viewed by even the faint of heart (think Frenchmen).  The falls and calamities are only there to add intrigue and tension to the video.

Once he gets started, even stout deciduous trees pose no threat to Danny.  You’ll see him ascend a tree on his bike, flip around in the air, and land neatly upright.  If you get a kick out of gymnasts ’sticking a landing’, you’ll come unglued watching Danny stick this one.

If trees could speak, this elm would be chanting ‘Mac-as-kill, Mac-as-kill, Mac-as-kill’.  No tree has been so completely ‘owned’ since a troop of Monty Python lumberjacks were set free in the Larch forests of British Columbia…only to sing about it later.

My friend Eric tells me that Danny was sponsored by Red Bull shortly after the posting of this video.  The whole ‘get paid to ride a bike thing’ reminds me of the Dire Straits song, “Money For Nothing”

Now look at them yo-yo’s that’s the way you do it
You play the guitar on the MTV
That ain’t workin’ that’s the way you do it
Money for nothin’ and chicks for free

Of course they’re speaking of Rock Stars, but I suppose Danny could be wedged into the whole ‘Money For Nothing’ concept by making big bucks for riding his trick bike on railings, up elm trees, down staircases, and across the English Channel (made that one up)…and making a good living doing it.

So there you have it; watch Danny Mac-As-Kill making ‘Money For Nothin’.

Unless you factor in the loss of a few incisors, a canine, three molars, and the left side of his tongue.

Or does He favor the farmer who’s been praying for rain for the crops.  Such is the fickle nature of praying for weather.  A cyclist’s request for good riding weather is a farmer’s curse for drought and pestilence.

Fortunately, there’s a solution for both antagonists…and that’s why God created the indoor bike trainer.  Male and female, He created them.

Two by two, indoor bike trainers were carried into the ark when the prayers by the farmers were answered generously, and the surface of the earth was covered with puddles so intense that even bike fenders were rendered insufficient.

When the rains ceased, Noah and Sons Ltd set up their bike trainers (at that point in history they weren’t technically ‘indoor bike trainers’) on the deck of the ark, tapping out a few workouts while waiting for good Saturday morning riding weather to resume.

There Are Other Bike Trainer Advantages

OK, enough of the crazy stuff.  Let’s get honest here…I wasn’t likely to go out for a long outdoor ride today anyway.  I was more likely to get on my trainer while watching the Final Four on CBS.  You know, the one threatening to plunge the state of Kentucky into Civil War.

Kentucky versus Louisville.  Brother against brother, cousin against cousin (that would include just about everyone in the state if taken out to the second and third level), sister against sister…and so on.

In the midst of such bloodshed, ‘Cycling Ron’ will be tapping out a few intervals on his Road Machine.

And that’s advantage number one:  bike trainers are good for watching sporting events on TV.

Serious Advantages…Feel Free To Skip This Part

When it comes time to riding a workout with some purpose other than getting pleasure, the bike trainer provides a platform devoid of distracting factors.  Gone are stoplights turning red at the wrong moment, uphills where there shouldn’t be uphills, downhills where you need a climb, and chasing dogs when you’re trying to recover.

Bike trainers can be perfect for interval training (although the pain at any given level of intensity seems more intense without the distraction of outdoor stimuli…maintaining a heart rate of 155 is pretty painful for me on a trainer, while not that bad outdoors).

On a trainer, when it’s time to go hard for two minutes you have no excuses; no waiting for the light to turn green, no waiting for the downhill to level out.  You just have to punch it.

If you’re working on your pedaling skills (fast, smooth spinning) there’s not a more controlled pedaling environment than your living room on a bike trainer.

Same thing applies to doing slow frequency revolutions (SFR’s).  Just crank up the gearing and grind away.

Bike Trainers And The Vanity Curse

Where I live there aren’t many other riders.  But when I go to the San Francisco bay area everything changes.  There are riders everywhere…and every one of them needs to be ‘schooled’ by yours truly.

When I see a rider ahead of me, they need to be chased down.  When I pass them I have to keep up the effort, since there’s nothing more embarrassing than getting walked down from behind by the guy I just passed (except maybe when I farted energetically during my Grandfather’s eulogy).

And when all of that’s done, there’s another rider up ahead to chase after.  In short, my inflated ego and testosterone-driven competitive nature make for a ride outside the bounds of a logical thought process.

On my bike trainer, there’s no one to beat but myself…and I don’t take too kindly to that possibility.

Check out a more sane explanation of the advantages of indoor riding by watching Graeme Street on this YouTube video…

Schwinn 240 Recumbent Review

About the reviewer: Ron Fritzke is a cycling product reviewer with a passion for ‘all things cycling’. A former 2:17 marathoner, he now directs his competitive efforts toward racing his bike…and looking for good cycling products.

Product Quality		Noise Level
Realistic Feel		Bells and Whistles
Overall Value

The Humble Beginnings Of Bike Wind Trainers

Before the Kinetic Cyclone: Squirrel cage or wind trainer?

When you look at the Cyclone or the CycleOps wind trainer you see a very solidly built unit without bells and whistles.  It’s easy to forget the early model wind trainers; and not fully appreciate these modern bike wind trainers.  Early wind trainers were flimsy affairs, susceptible to breakage…not only in use, but even more so when being transported from place to place.

Sometimes that transport was back to the storage room after a sweat-fest in the living room, and sometimes it was in the trunk of a car when going to a local race.

Whatever the circumstance, the little fins on the squirrel cage could easily get bent (making riding on the early wind trainers as pleasant as driving your car with a front tire out of balance).

Kinetic Cyclone Wind Trainer Frame Is Same As Road Machine Frame

Another source of grief in early trainers was the small diameter roller.  The little rascal spun like a deafening whirlwind…and just as disturbing was the fact that the small amount of surface area between the tire and roller led to increased tire wear.  The roller on the Kinetic Cyclone wind trainer is the same 2.5 inches diameter as is on the $329.00 Road Machine, and the $499.00 Rock and Roll.

In case you didn’t know, all of the Kinetic products are made by a larger company called Kurt Manufacturing which machines a multitude of products for the automotive industry and  the aerospace industry.  In short, you can trust these folks to accurately machine something as basic as a 2.5 inch roller.  That’s also why you’ll often see the bike trainers called the Kurt Kinetic bike trainers.

Let’s Start With The Kinetic Wind Trainer Frame

You can bet that the 2 inch steel tubing of the frame isn’t going anywhere.

The frame on the Kinetic Cyclone is the same frame that’s been used for years on the Kinetic Road Machine…a bomb-proof monster about as similar to the frames of early wind trainers as a Bradley tank is to a Toyota Prius.

The 16″ legs on the frame fold up, creating a ‘sorta’ portable package that’s 19″ by 22″ by 6″ tall.  When the legs are unfolded, the base is 32# wide…plenty of width for stability.

I use the word ‘sorta’ because it’s certainly not as easy to carry the Cyclone wind trainer  around as a laptop in a case…but it’s not like you’re going to pack the thing with you when you impersonate a pseudo-intellectual at the coffee bar, for Pete’s sake.

So I take that back, it’s plenty portable in light of lugging the 9.6 pound unit from living room to spare bedroom, to car trunk, to attic (once the New Year’s resolution fades into the background).

As a point of reference, the Road Machine weighs over 30 pounds, so lifting the Cyclone is something even a spaghetti-armed cyclist can do.

Just kidding about the attic remark…don’t you dare quit exercising.

The bike is attached to the Cyclone by two threaded shafts, cupping the quick release that comes with the Cyclone in ‘machined gizmos shaped for cupping’ (Huh? My words, not theirs).  Anyway, I can’t think of how to describe the simple mechanism.

Let me just say, the attaching of a bike to the CycleOps Wind trainer or the Kinetic Rock and Roll is a bit easier than attaching a bike to the Kinetic Cyclone or the Road Machine.

Dem Fans, Dem Fans, Dem Noisy Fans

At the start of the review, I wrote about early generation fans being light and flimsy.

Double the fans, double the fun!

Not so with the twin cast iron fans on the Kinetic Cyclone.  The fans are 6 inches in diameter and each one weighs 2.2 pounds.  Because they have a decent amount of inertia, the spin-down and spin-up of Cyclone is much more realistic than wind trainers with fans as light as a geisha girls’s paper hand-held accouterments.

If you’re new to bike trainers, you may not know that one of the valued features of a trainer is it’s ‘spin-down’ time…the time it takes the trainer to slow to a stop after the rider quits pedaling (the Cyclone has a spin-down time of five seconds).  There is an implication that the rider benefits from a long spin-down time (like a bit of ‘free distance’?).

That’s not the issue at all.  The issue is really ‘spin-up’ resistance.  Just think about it, to simulate realistic riding there has to be some resistance to acceleration.  When you accelerate on your bike outdoors, you have to overcome the inertia of your lard-butt weight.  It takes effort to transform yourself from a dawdling bicycle rider traveling at 11 mph to a cyclist tearing down the trail at 23 mph.  I know…I have to do it every time I see someone coming toward me on the bike trail.

On the road you can’t just ‘spin those cranks’ and go from 11 mph to 23mph in the blink of an eye.  But you can if you’re on a trainer with an extremely light resistance unit…and thus the issue of ‘realistic’ riding on a trainer involves a relatively heavy flywheel.

The heavy flywheel concept can be taken to the extreme…witness the eighteen pounds of flywheel on the Kinetic Pro trainer.

Room for Improvement:  Which leads me to resume banging the drums for improvement regarding the tightening of the roller to the tire on the Kurt Kinetic products.  A simple star shaped knob does the job.

Problem is…there’s no indicator on the knob, so it’s hard to know how many of the prescribed three to five tightening turns you’ve accomplished.  A simple solution would be to mold the plastic star knob with an indicator bump on it.

Who Should Ride The Cyclone?:  The Kinetic wind trainer is recommended for riders who average under 18 mph, at which the trainer is resisting at a level of just under 150 watts.  That’s not a whole lot of watts…as a point of reference, riding outdoors or riding on the Kinetic Road machine at 18 mph is at an effort level of 200 watts.

The folks over at Competitive Cyclist thought that the noise level only became unbearable at 25 mph, at which time the watts were 349 watts.

So why not just pedal the Cyclone faster?  Well, that’s when the noise level gets substantial, and for a lot of people the loud roar is too much.  One guy thought that a vacuum cleaner was chasing him down.

Who are we to believe?  The highly trained professionals at Competitive Cyclist…or a man burdened by a phobia of vacuum cleaner noise? 

Cyclone Warranties

The Kinetic Cyclone wind trainer is covered by an unconditional lifetime warranty.  That kind of speaks for itself, except for the fact that it also includes a lifetime crash replacement policy.  Now I become confused…why a crash replacement policy when it’s already covered by an unconditional lifetime warranty?

Not to worry, I guess.  It’ll be covered one way or another.

The Kinetic Cyclone Wind Trainer Is For:

1. Cyclists who appreciate high quality and reliability.
2. Cyclists who aren’t the most hard-core on the block.

 –>The Lowest Price You’ll Find For The Kinetic Cyclone Is At Amazon <–

If you think this Kinetic Cyclone review is thorough, please link to it, Facebook it, Google plus it, or bookmark it.  Much appreciated!

A thinly disguised effort to meld 'bike washing' to 'Occupy Wall Street'.

I’ve had a real hanker’in to get over to an ‘Occupy’ event; but a busy work schedule precludes it.  Seems the best I can do is ‘occupy’ my bike when I get home from the office, in an effort to stay fit.

But, I’m not just anybody’s fool (I’m the sole owner of this here fool)!

I’ve seen enough newsreels of occupiers getting the ole heave-ho due to uncleanliness (not to mention pooping on the sidewalk) to realize that I may face the same fate (the heave-ho) should my chosen ‘occupy’ location (my bike) slide into a state of slovenliness.

Thus, this short tutorial on keeping a bike clean!

Not too long ago I had a problem getting the shifters on my mountain bike to work correctly.  Obviously, the problem was far too complex for this mere chiropractor/bike rider, so I hustled the bike over to the local bike shop.

Low and behold…my bike was suffering from a severe case of ‘no-wash’em-syndrome’.

Who would have guessed that all of that mud build-up between the seat tube and front shifter could be the culprit?  Certainly not this knucklehead.

Anyway…here’s to keeping our bikes clean.  With the increased amount of mud, blood, and guts that accumulate on winter roads, our bikes could use a good cleaning now and then regularly.

I’ve embedded a video below of a pro mechanic from team BMC, courtesy of Bicycling.com, so that you can see how the big-shots get their already clean bikes cleaner (could they be the one percenters?).  There are some very good points in the video, as well as in the linked-to article.

Be forewarned, watching the mechanic wash down the team bike is a bit like watching a juggler perform his craft with no balls.  Since the bike is already squeaky clean, it comes off as a superfluous activity.

Of course, should the bike mechanic not wash an already clean bike, he’d soon be struggling to de-grease a chain that actually has grease on it.  He’d be in the same boat us mere mortals occupy…

Here’s to enjoying the video!

Related articles

• Chain-L: The Best Chain Lube You Probably Are Not Using (kentsbike.blogspot.com)
• Bike mechanic pedals his workshop to clients’ homes (gizmag.com)

Image via Wikipedia

Well, according to Lance Armstrong’s coach, Chris Carmichael, the story may be written in the hands.

Before you get all indignant on me, and try to maintain that you’re only interested in how your riding partner’s doing so that you can:

• murmur words of encouragement,
• offer advice about engaging different muscle groups by changing position on the saddle,
• or other helpful acts of kindness,

let me remind you…

One cyclist going down the street is a bike ride, two cyclists riding down the street is a bike race.

So now that we’re on the same page, let the gamesmanship begin.  And lest you think that gamesmanship isn’t powerful, don’t forget Lance Armstrong’s fake fatigue in stage 10 of the 2001 Tour de France.  He lulled his opponents to sleep on earlier climbs by feigning poor form… before beating them by two minutes on the celebrated L’Alpe d’Huez.

I’ll bet he rocked back and forth on his bike, uttered soft un-Texan-like whimpering sounds, let himself get gapped a bit, and most importantly…gripped his handlebars tightly.

So ole Ulrich looked over at those white knuckles with a Ho, Ho, Ho.  Just before Lance launched an attack that was critical to winning his third Tour de France.

Use Hand Tightness To Your Advantage

Up until now this discussion has been about looking how tightly your adversary riding partner is gripping the bars, in order to time your savage attack.

But you can use the ‘hand-grip’ technique to ride offensively as well.

The judicious use of the double-cross, the double double-cross, or the head-spinning single hand cross-up may be just what you need to throw your opponent off your desire to dominate.

That is, of course, if your partner is privy to the message that hands can telegraph.  If they’re merely trying to remain upright while riding, none of this hand-reading stuff works.

Save it for a ride with someone to whom you really want to deliver a sound beat-down.

• Double Cross- it’s relatively easy to grip your bars tightly when you’re still fresh in order to signal fake-fatigue.  It’s harder to loosen your grip when you’re suffering mightily.  But the reward is great…so ‘just do it’.
• Double Double Cross- once you’ve successfully pulled off the double cross, the double double is an option.  Just go with what comes naturally (tight when tired, loose when fresh) and your condition on the climb may be misinterpreted by your smug opponent.
• Single Hand Cross-Up- much like rubbing your stomach with one hand while tapping your head with the other, this technique requires ‘autonomic neurogenic dexterity’ (made that one up).  The complication occurs when betwixt two riding partners.  One hand is held tightly for the benefit of the rider closest to the right side, and the other hand maintains a loose grip for the misdirection of the rider on the left side.  But it becomes complicated.  Are you delivering a double cross to the idiot guy on the right, or a double, double cross?  Same goes for the rider on the left.  Mix it up too much and you’ll unseat yourself…or lose bowel control.  Use this technique only in dire circumstances.

And Then There’s The Face

The 'Silent Assassin's' Face Is A Blank Page

You think that’s effective?  How about the face?

Two pros come to mind.  Denis Menchov is known as the ‘Silent Assassin’  because no matter what the circumstances, his face is placid.

On the other hand, Jens Voit has made a career of face grimacing.  In practically any situation, Jens is able to produce a convincing look of pain and determination.

His entire persona revolves around being a tough guy who tries really, really hard.  But it occurred to me that pain is a relative thing.  Some feel it much more intensely than others.

A Case Of 'Reverse Face Determinosis'?

If you were to dish out 600 units of pain to one guy, he may feel it quite intensely, while in another guy it may hardly be noticed.  So what’s to say that Jens is actually feeling more pain than the Silent Assassin?

Maybe Jens is getting a tiny tinkle of pain…but he feels it most intensely.

Could each of them be playing a sophisticated game of Reverse-Face Determinosis?

Related articles

• Nobody Suffers Like Jens Voigt (online.wsj.com)
• Missing Lance (amybunny.wordpress.com)
• Get Fit While Giving Back (prweb.com)

Sure, there are a lot of subtle things to do to get into a top-notch time trial position on a bike.  But what should you focus on if you don’t have unlimited money and time?

You know…how do you get the most bang for your buck?

In the video below, Lance talks about three positioning fundamentals to be aware of .  I’ll summarize a few points for you.

1).  Get your head out of the way.  It goes without saying that your body can be as ‘small’ as possible, but if your coconut is sticking up, catching the wind, you’ve got problems.

Should I get into time trialing again, I’m going to do some ‘blind’ riding.  There’s really no need to have my head up like an ostrich, searching the road for loose change, discarded bear cans with high redemption value, or even the finish line.

I think I’ll just glance up now and then to make sure I’m not headed for a double-parked delivery van.  Then I’ll get my pumpkin down out of the wind.  And here’s a positive side effect…my neck won’t be screaming for relief.

One problem with this whole ‘glance up’ routine when wearing a ‘long tail’ aero helmet is that the tail of the helmet will be up in the stratosphere when I drop my head.  I suppose the new short-tailed aero helmets don’t pose the same degree of difficulty.

I just read a blog post that labeled my ‘only glance up now and then’ to be extremely dangerous.  Probably true, so don’t try it.

You know the old saying, ‘Don’t do as I say, don’t do as I do!’

2).  Narrow your shoulders.  Narrowing the shoulders is accomplished by reducing the space between the elbow pads on the aerobars.

A Good Angle For Appreciating My Wide Shoulders

I have very manly, wide shoulders.  I’m proud of them, and believe they make me more important than men who are cursed with narrow shoulders.

Blessed with such shoulder width, I’ve felt the discomfort of having the elbow pads too closely spaced in my effort to get as aero as possible.  The discomfort was so significant that at times I didn’t think highly of my physique,  instead reducing myself to sniveling and whimpering.

I widened the space between my elbow pads and was able to inhale again, after which I once again appreciated myself.

3).  Flatten your back.  Lance will tell you (with stylish graphics) about drawing a line between the center of the hip and the center of the shoulders (of course, mine are quite wide).  The more horizontal the line is, the more aero the position.

But, if your ability to produce watts is compromised by too flat of positioning, you’ll have to compromise and ‘sit up’ a bit.

Look How Horizontal The Line Between 'Point Of Shoulder (Narrow)' And 'Point Of Hip' Is On Levi.

Lance references his teammate Levi several times in this video.  He’s careful to not speak poorly of Levi’s body type, but you can read between the lines and rightfully infer that Levi probably doesn’t have very wide shoulders.

Actually, it looks like Levi is cursed with a long torso and itty-bitty short legs.  He can keep his Tour of California victories and Tour de France performances.

As for me, I’ll take my wide shoulders any day.

If you’d like some insight into why the bent over position of time trialing hurts your low back, read all about it at Askfitnesscoach.com .

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